Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Randomize
