i barfeds in our rink
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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