You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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