who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
