I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
