we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
