let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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