He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i dont even know how to be here
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
