trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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