Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
No...this little piggys going to the bar
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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