Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
