I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
