So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
