Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
