It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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