I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
