I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I woke up under a house in Key West
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
