I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
