was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
