Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
