he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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