so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
