you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
