i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
