Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Randomize
