Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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