Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
