my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So many bounce houses so little time
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
whose parrot is this?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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