apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
