Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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