margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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