Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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