Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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