were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We have started to decorate penises.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
