I accidentally burped into my bong.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
