Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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