I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
