He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
