Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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