You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
