Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
