I got chris browned last night
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
