In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
