Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
