now i know why i became what i already was.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
