I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
