i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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