Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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