he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
