shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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