Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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