She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
