Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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